24/06/2024 12:58 AM

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Piece of That Fashion

The Glass-Penised Gnome: How (Not) To Use A Pipette

The Glass-Penised Gnome: How (Not) To Use A Pipette

This trend for the dribbling of skincare products directly onto the face really bemuses me. Ditto foundation dribbling. Pipettes are enough of a faff to use when you drop the product into the palm of your hand, why on earth would you ever attempt to pipe the product straight onto your face? Nobody does this in real life.

Nobody sits at their dressing table and says to their partner,

“Hang on a second, Brian. Here I am holding this little glass tube filled with foundation, a product that needs only one dropeth spilt to ruin an entire cream carpet, and yet here I am carefully squeezing it onto the back of my hand before applying with a brush.”

‘Well yes, Deirdre, that makes sense to me. You have to be careful when you’re brandishing a pipette loaded with what is, to all intents and purposes, paint.”

“No, Brian! You’ve got it all wrong! What I should be doing is tilting my face at an absurd angle, holding the pipette precariously above my cheekbone and then squeezing it directly onto my skin!”

“But….Deirdre…what about the cream carpet?”

“Oh Brian, to hell with the carpet. The thrill I’ll get from not knowing whether any product will actually land on my face will more than make up for any large insurance claims we have to make.”

“As you wish Deirdre. But it does make you look rather foolish, I’m at pains to say.”

“Brian don’t you see? I like looking more foolish than I need to when I’m applying my makeup. I’m not content with the fact that mascara application makes me look like a demented puffer fish, I want to drop my foundation onto my cheeks and force my eyes to focus on something unnaturally close so that they completely cross over.”

“Fine Deirdre. But look. I don’t want to be crass, and forgive me if this is overstepping the mark…does it not look a bit sexual?”

“Does what not look a bit sexual, Brian?”

“The dribbling liquid, Deirdre. It’s as though a very small glass-penised gnome is lazily ejaculating onto your face.”


Anyway, this was supposed to be a skincare post. For crying out loud – stay on task, Crilly! For this morning’s skincare routine I used:

Rose Inc Micellar Cleanser (Space NK here*)

The packaging instantly appealed to me when I was first testing this cleanser. The bottle is short and stout, like a little teapot but with no handle and no spout. It’s cute. The mechanism inside is one of those push-down-and-product-spurts-out ones, which are useful when you’re doing things one-handed.

(This could be an episode of innuendo bingo, it really could.)

The micellar cleanser itself isn’t your usual clear liquid, it’s a sort of cream-gel. Really soothing, very fresh in feel and does a grand job of makeup removal. Or in my case, a grand job of a quick morning cleanse. I rarely do a balm or cream cleanser at the sink if it’s morning – I do all the heavyweight stuff in the evening and so the micellar is to rid any residue from the products the night before and just have a clean canvas to work on.

Sali Hughes Must-C Daily Serum (currently £10 at Boots here*)

I use a vitamin c serum pretty much every morning. Dose of antioxidant protection and a bit of brightening, can’t go wrong. It really works for me – I realise there are a plethora or different ingredients you could be opting for in your staple morning serum, whether it’s peptides or niacinamide or something for clearing your blackheads, but my focus is on protecting and brightness. It’ll no doubt change, but for the past few years I’ve been unwavering in my vitamin c dedication!

The Sali Hughes Must-C is potent, non-irritating and is currently a tenner at Boots. You can’t go far wrong.

My all-time favourite, however – if you’re asking –  is the Kiehl’s Powerful Line Reducing Concentrate. It’s £55 so way more spendy, but it has this lovely dry texture. Not oily, not watery, just…like velvet but spreadable. I have used it for years and come back to it again and again. You can find it online here*.

Dove Derma Series SPF30 (Superdrug here)

Straight in with SPF on top of the serum because I had no need for extra moisturiser this morning. Dove’s new launch is pleasing: a silky, sophisticated texture with a skin-calming formulation. If you have sensitive skin and struggle with finding the right non-aggravating sunscreen, this could well be worth a try.

Here’s a video that takes less than a minute and a half to watch so it’s the least you can do for me:

PPhoto by Jen Theodore on Unsplash